


My Melancholy Blues

by myfairyqueenie



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically just imagine the 70s Queen boys but in today's world, Brian is depressed but what else is new, Fluff, Gen, Like I could see this happening in real life, Platonic Soulmates, They all just really care about their friend, literally just pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-02-01 02:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21337792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfairyqueenie/pseuds/myfairyqueenie
Summary: Brian couldn’t breathe.Or at least, it felt that way - physically everything was fine, but mentally he was suffocating; gasping for air but never seeming to inhale enough to fully fill his lungs. There was just something about the changing of seasons; leaves falling and plants slowly dying, the darkness creeping over everything by 5 o’clock, the temperature outside becoming chillier by the hour - that made Brian feel like he was sinking into his own skin, becoming nothing but sadness and bones.*Or, Brian struggles with his depression from time to time. Luckily his friends are all there to help him through it.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 39





	My Melancholy Blues

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is my first ever fanfic like wtf? Where did this even come from? I couldn't tell you but Queen has CHANGED me lol. Anyway I wrote this during work the other day, like I literally just randomly started writing and didn't stop. But it was very calming for me to write this (and honestly to reread it as well) so I hope you all find some comfort in it too :-) Maybe I'll keep writing more if this gets a good response idk! I never saw myself as a fanfiction writer but who knows haha. Feel free to let me know what you think but pls be nice bc I'm sensitive lol. Anyway I hope you enjoy!! <3

Brian couldn’t breathe.

Or at least, it felt that way - physically everything was fine, but mentally he was suffocating; gasping for air but never seeming to inhale enough to fully fill his lungs. There was just something about the changing of seasons; leaves falling and plants slowly dying, the darkness creeping over everything by 5 o’clock, the temperature outside becoming chillier by the hour - that made Brian feel like he was sinking into his own skin, becoming nothing but sadness and bones.

And it’s funny, Brian often thinks, how he’s so incredibly self-aware of the ways his bad habits get worse when he’s depressed, yet he continues to repeat them - yes, he’s working on healthier coping methods, but every once in a while Brian still falls back into those same old patterns that he _knows_ don’t help him but are just so familiar and comforting anyway.

__

During these times, Brian will retreat into his bedroom for days, not talking to anyone, barely even leaving to go to the bathroom. He’s too busy desperately fighting against the horrible black fog consuming his mind, and he knows getting out of bed will make him feel better - but then he feels guilty because he just won’t be able to get himself up, which causes him to spiral into an endless cycle of self-defeating thoughts and shame and anger. So Brian just ends up feeling worse. And he’s still in his fucking bed.

__

The other boys - Freddie and Roger and John - always notice immediately when things aren’t right, because Brian is a creature of habit; he gets up early every day and makes sure the flat is clean and spends most of his time studying (a little too much, the other boys think, but it’s nearly impossible to stop Brian while he’s working). Yet when the depression hits, and it usually hits hard, Brian becomes the complete opposite of his normal self: a shell of his usual existence, someone who’s unmotivated and dull and doesn’t care about mostly anything.

__

Freddie and Roger and John all make attempts to cheer Brian up, each of them in their own unique way. Sometimes one of them will be more effective than the other two, but as long as Brian feels better, then nobody really cares who’s successful.

__

John is awkward with words, especially when it comes to feelings, despite being the one who understands Brian’s depression more than Roger and Freddie do. He’ll force Brian to get out of his bedroom (emphasis on the word _force_ \- John cares a lot about Brian, but he isn’t gonna be easy on him just because of that) and take him somewhere, _anywhere_, as long as it’s not the flat. By now he knows all of Brian’s favorite spots: like the old library near their college, or the musty café down the street that always smells wonderfully of freshly brewed coffee, or the little park where families walk around with their kids on sunny days. But if it’s a particularly bad day, John will get Brian into the car and drive him about an hour away into the country, where they’ll stop at a secluded little lake they had found a couple years ago during an excursion such as this one. After bundling up in puffy jackets and fuzzy socks and Brian’s god awful rainbow scarf (in John’s opinion, at least, but his favorite color is black so he could be a little biased), John will grab a pile of blankets from the trunk and he and Brian go down to the shore of the lake, where they wrap themselves up and huddle together for warmth against the bitter weather. Brian will lay his head on John’s lap, letting John gently caress his unruly curls with his fingers, undoing tangles from days of not being brushed properly. They watch the little waves ripple over the colorless sand and listen to the tiny birds flying overhead call out to each other as the winter sun sets silently in the gray sky. And eventually the stars come out, one by one. By then Brian has calmed down; the effect from being in nature among the peace and quiet. He’ll remember how tiny he is compared to the whole universe and it gives him perspective; he’s reminded that nothing really matters, which sounds cynical but to him it’s honestly just good to keep in mind that the pain doesn’t last forever. John also knows when Brian is feeling better because he starts pointing out different stars and talking about their names and history and the constellations they’re a part of. John always listens, even though he never has any fucking clue what Brian is rattling on about, but he’ll hum in acknowledgement to everything he’s saying, and takes comfort in the fact that he at least helped Brian get through another day.

__

Now Freddie was different - Freddie couldn’t stand seeing his loved ones upset, and always took it upon himself to make sure _nobody_ was upset when he was around. And the lengths Freddie would go to cheer someone up was incredible, as we all know Freddie - he never did anything in a small way; he was loud and extravagant and made sure the whole fucking WORLD knew how amazing Brian Harold May was, especially Brian Harold May himself! Brian once woke up to his bed covered in bouquets of flowers (unfortunately, it turned out he was allergic to the exact ones Freddie decided to get him). Or there was the time Freddie tried to bring him breakfast in bed (but that was really only one time, because Freddie obviously can’t cook for shit, and the flat nearly burned down, but in the end it worked out because after Brian finished scolding Freddie, he really did appreciate the gesture, and also Brian knew he had to get out of bed if he wanted to get something to eat without dying in a fire). So nowadays Freddie bursts into Brian’s bedroom and drags him into his own, where he lies Brian down and starts massaging his tensed up shoulders, trying to soothe his aching muscles from being in the same position all day. Freddie loved to gossip, and he tells Brian about all the drama at the clothing stall where he and Roger work, and how he had to chase down a customer the other day because Roger “accidentally” sold Freddie’s favorite jacket to him, and then there was this cute guy who came in, should Freddie have asked for his number? And Freddie knew that Brian didn’t give two shits about any of it, but he also knew talking about shallow and trivial things would take Brian’s mind off the dark stuff. So eventually, Freddie’s quirky way of speaking and his ridiculous little jokes and crude but hilarious comments would finally make Brian laugh; he would start teasing Freddie about how fussy he was, and Freddie always responded with fake indignance, but truthfully he was just happy to see that sweet smile come back to Brian’s face. By that time Freddie had massaged Brian enough to make him feel like Jell-O, so Freddie would tuck him into bed with a big kiss on the cheek, and Brian’s chest would feel much lighter than before, and he sleeps the night away peacefully.

__

But if Brian needs to talk to someone, then it’s Roger who’s the one for that. No matter how many times Brian completely breaks down, crying from the weight of it all; red rimmed eyes and his face flushed with emotion, Roger somehow always knows and quietly lets himself into Brian’s bedroom. And when Brian calls himself a _failure_, a _burden_, a _worthless_ person who contributes _nothing_ positive to the world, Roger always makes Brian look him straight in the eye and tells him that those things aren’t even _close_ to the truth; the depression was lying to him again, and Brian had no idea how intelligent and talented he was, how he was one of the most caring people on the planet and deserved every good thing in the world and more. And no matter how much Brian tries to push back, attempting to deny the idea that he could even be considered worthwhile, Roger is a very persistent and extremely stubborn little shit (which is a positive factor in this situation, just not when it comes to locking oneself in a cupboard), and eventually Brian gives up, knowing Roger didn’t give up last time and isn’t gonna give up this time either, and once again begrudgingly accepts that Roger is right. Nonetheless he feels better; there is an understanding deep down that if someone is putting this much effort into making him see his worth, then he must be at least a tiny bit important in the grand scheme of things. And Roger will gently wipe the tears from Brian’s cheeks and give him a soft smile, contrary to his aggressive yet passionate loving behavior from earlier, and remind Brian that he loves him so much; Brian is his best friend and he wouldn’t trade him for anyone else, and Roger would be absolutely _devastated_ if anything ever happened to him. Then he has Brian put on some clean comfy clothes and meet him in the living room while Roger prepares tea for the both of them; and they’ll curl up together on the couch, sipping on warm chamomile, watching crappy TV shows until they end up falling asleep in each other’s arms.

__

And every time, after his best friends show how much they care about him, Brian feels like he can finally breathe again. And the air always tastes so, so sweet.

__

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading <3 Come hang out with me on Instagram @myfairyqueenie or Tumblr @my-fairy-queenie :-)


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